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Cracker Jax
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| Joined: | Oct 23rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Summerfield, USA |
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Posted: Dec 25th, 2006 07:01 am |
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I'm sure you are all sleeping like babies. 
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Opinions in this post are mine. Do not copy, distribute, mass mail or quote out of context without my consent.
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Jim Flynt
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| Joined: | Jul 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Bermuda Triangle |
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Posted: Dec 25th, 2006 08:37 am |
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Cracker Jax wrote:
I'm sure you are all sleeping like babies.
With visions of sugarplums dancin' in our heads of course (you can blame Pappy's eggnog for that.......)
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I Did It My Way (Frank Sinatra)
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WHE
Member
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Posted: Dec 25th, 2006 01:20 pm |
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Cracker Jax wrote:
Besides, I'm dyin' to know if you ever got out to the stores or if "a certain unnamed spouse" is gonna end up cookin' your goose because there's nuthin' under the tree for himmer!!! 
8:09 A.M. on Christmas morning
With my phone set to 911 speed dial, I am cowering in my study, hiding from that which is certainly my early demise...
I've already updated my will to reflect suspicions of a plot against me, simply because of a previously-mentioned time management issue. One would think that in the true Christmas spirit, forgiveness (plus some bling) might spare my miserable self from that dreaded stare, as the family gathers to open presents.
Perhaps, no one will notice that I am missing, and I will live to shop another day. Or, if they do sense my disappearance, I can act surprised (or delusional) when my name is called. How can anyone blame a delusional person?
My assigned task this morning is to cook the blueberry pancakes, and I can smell the coffee and bacon from here -- a sure sign that my calling is minutes away.
So, dear friends, knowing that my gift abstinence has finally caught up with me, please look for my body in the woods behind my house. And be sure to check the pockets...that's where I kept the shopping list, organized and generous, filled with good intentions.
Merry Christmas to you all!
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macca
Member
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Posted: Dec 25th, 2006 08:59 pm |
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WHE wrote:
Cracker Jax wrote:
Besides, I'm dyin' to know if you ever got out to the stores or if "a certain unnamed spouse" is gonna end up cookin' your goose because there's nuthin' under the tree for himmer!!!
8:09 A.M. on Christmas morning
With my phone set to 911 speed dial, I am cowering in my study, hiding from that which is certainly my early demise...
I've already updated my will to reflect suspicions of a plot against me, simply because of a previously-mentioned time management issue. One would think that in the true Christmas spirit, forgiveness (plus some bling) might spare my miserable self from that dreaded stare, as the family gathers to open presents.
Perhaps, no one will notice that I am missing, and I will live to shop another day. Or, if they do sense my disappearance, I can act surprised (or delusional) when my name is called. How can anyone blame a delusional person?
My assigned task this morning is to cook the blueberry pancakes, and I can smell the coffee and bacon from here -- a sure sign that my calling is minutes away.
So, dear friends, knowing that my gift abstinence has finally caught up with me, please look for my body in the woods behind my house. And be sure to check the pockets...that's where I kept the shopping list, organized and generous, filled with good intentions.
Merry Christmas to you all!
Oh, WHE!!! You can't be gone!! We're just getting to know you! And you have such a (heretofore hidden) flare for storytelling! (Maybe desperation brings out the best in you!!)
Hopefully you figured out some way to cover.... You know! The delusional act was good.... maybe amnesia.... which will clear up by tomorrow when you can "remember" where you left the goodies (after the stores have been open for a while)....
Of course, you can do like my spoose..... blame it on the Post Office!! I got a couple of IOUs that purport that my gift was ordered and is on its way! ("They've already drafted the money from my bank account! I don't know why it didn't get here in time!")
And then there's always another good standby: "I was going to get XYZ for you, but I knew you'd want to pick out the exact one you wanted...."
Anxiously awaiting word from you!!!! ♥♥♥
Ummmmm.... in case we really find your (horrors!) body behind your house.... Are there any special arrangements?
____________________
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Herm Albright
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Vicki White-Lawrence
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| Joined: | Nov 11th, 2005 |
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Posted: Dec 25th, 2006 10:55 pm |
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Cracker Jax wrote:
I'm sure you are all sleeping like babies.
CJ: I was up! In fact, was able to rest for about an hour around 6:30 this morning! I heard from one of Santa's elves, who happened to be out making a final pickup and delivery, that Jim Flynt's light display (as well as lots of others, surprisingly!) was still aglow at 4:15 or so, but not about an hour later, when the elf returned....
I hope everyone had a wonderful day!! I caught a brief nap this afternoon and am good to go for a little while now, although I'm not "going" anywhere. Already in my nice comfortable jammies and relaxing on the couch! (I earned it!!  )
The rain (which the elf said was just beginning around 4:15 this morning) made for some hazardous driving today. We spent the morning with my folks and kept hitting standing water, coming and going. Saw a bump-up on I-40 between the airport exit and Guilford College Road, with traffic at a virtual standstill. Made us glad we were heading in the other direction!
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macca
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Posted: Dec 26th, 2006 12:24 pm |
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GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY!!! ♥♥♥
Hope everyone survived the big day and is happy today!!
(Sounds as though we need to be quiet for a while.... Wonder if Vicki is still sleeping after her marathon last-minute flurry!)
Has anyone heard from WHE???
Is anyone (shudder) unshopping today??? I went shopping for after-Christmas deals the day after Christmas a long time ago, (in my younger days, before I was 29) but don't figure there's really anything I need that badly.....
The little maccas had great fun yesterday playing with all their goodies. It was nice seeing the glee on their little faces and watching them as they opened the various gifts they got. I did pretty well too. Santa brought me a portable printer! I can carry it with my along with my laptop and be totally mobile! Also got a couple of books on the Beatles (one an illustrated book of lyrics) and some CDs and DVDs. Got 2 of The Space Within Us DVD and a second CD of Ecce Cor Deum and Chaos and Creation in the Backyard. They're good, but I don't need 2 of them! Unless I can find another McCartney fan, I guess I'm heading to e-Bay! (Not a bad idea anyway, considering all this stuff I've accumulated that needs to be gone!!!)
HOPE EVERYONE HAS A WONDERFUL DAY!!!♥♥♥
____________________
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Herm Albright
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FatPappy
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| Joined: | Oct 25th, 2005 |
| Location: | Summerfield, USA |
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Posted: Dec 26th, 2006 12:34 pm |
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Mornin' all an' happy day after! I hope y'all's was as good as Pappy's!
Mr Jim, I hope you remembered to wear yer life jacket when you leaned over the wassail bowl.
WHE, I hope ye got amnesty fer Christmas this year. Hee hee!
Crackah, Macca, SMS, Vicki, an' ever'body, I hope y'all get rested up.
The young'uns has done figgered out all the electronical equipment just by a layin' on o' hands. They has also rendered mirrors obsolete. It's much better, I've been told, to brush yer hair an' put on makeup lookin' at a computer screen with a real time image o' your face provided by a leetle bitty video camera that I might have swatted with a flyswatter if they hadn' tolt me what it was.
My high-tech surprise was one o' them multi-tool gadgets with pliers, knife, screwdriver, tweezers, bottle opener, an' I don't know what all. It's got a corkscrew but I cain't get it to open up. The flaw with the multi-tool is you cain't use it against itself. If I could just use the little screwdriver to pry out the corkscrew, I'd be back in bidness. I'm lookin' now fer the recoil starter so I can power up the satellite dish an' beam a message up to the space station. That's what the young'uns said I could do, anyway. I believe 'em.
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How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
--Abraham Lincoln
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macca
Member
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Posted: Dec 26th, 2006 12:34 pm |
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Just realized we have another celebration!!
JIMBO has reached 400 posts!!!
CONGRATULATIONS, JIMBO!!! ♥♥♥
____________________
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Herm Albright
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FatPappy
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| Joined: | Oct 25th, 2005 |
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Posted: Dec 26th, 2006 12:41 pm |
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macca wrote:
Just realized we have another celebration!!
JIMBO has reached 400 posts!!!
CONGRATULATIONS, JIMBO!!!♥♥♥
Congratulations, Mr Jim!
____________________
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
--Abraham Lincoln
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macca
Member
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Posted: Dec 26th, 2006 12:41 pm |
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FatPappy wrote:
I'm lookin' now fer the recoil starter so I can power up the satellite dish an' beam a message up to the space station. That's what the young'uns said I could do, anyway. I believe 'em.
Hee hee, Pappy!! Sounds like you had a great time at your house!
Now, when you finally find the recoil starter, inquirin' minds want to know just what message you gonna beam ..... Knowing you, it'll be a doozy!!! ♥♥♥
____________________
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Herm Albright
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FatPappy
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| Joined: | Oct 25th, 2005 |
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Posted: Dec 26th, 2006 12:47 pm |
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macca wrote:
Now, when you finally find the recoil starter, inquirin' minds want to know just what message you gonna beam .....
I'd tell 'em to hold fast! As soon as I figger out the multi-tool, I'll fix my truck, build a jump ramp, an' make that delivery I promised 'em. Hee hee!
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How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
--Abraham Lincoln
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macca
Member
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Posted: Dec 26th, 2006 01:05 pm |
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FatPappy wrote:
macca wrote:
Now, when you finally find the recoil starter, inquirin' minds want to know just what message you gonna beam .....
I'd tell 'em to hold fast! As soon as I figger out the multi-tool, I'll fix my truck, build a jump ramp, an' make that delivery I promised 'em. Hee hee!
You mean the XXX-rated one??? I don't know, Pappy!
They're already floatin' around with zero gravity and all!! ♥♥♥
____________________
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Herm Albright
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S. Smith
Moderator
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Posted: Dec 26th, 2006 04:14 pm |
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Jim Flynt wrote: wassail WAH-sul; wah-SAYL, noun:
3. The liquor used for a wassail; especially, a beverage formerly much used in England at Christmas and other festivals, made of ale (or wine) flavored with spices, sugar, toast, roasted apples, etc.
I'd like for you all to know that I had some wassail this year at my cousin's house. Her version includes some kind wine and has spices, sugar and apple rings in it and heated in a crock pot (don't think they had those modern conveniences in old England!). I don't believe it had toast in it (yeech!!) - at least I didn't detect any crumbs in my cup.
Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Mine was great!
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WHE
Member
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Posted: Dec 26th, 2006 04:16 pm |
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macca wrote: Has anyone heard from WHE???
The surgeon said that he may be able to save the leg, and most of the bruises should heal in a few weeks. Mercifully, my eye is still swollen shut so I can't see the thirty-four stitches in my forehead. I knew it was serious when the cops turned on the 16-gallon Wet Vac to collect the spent shell casings scattered on the floor.
Assuming that my recovery continues, I definitely plan on a lifestyle change...one that encompasses trips to the mall in August and September, not late December. Sure, it may be a little premature, and the storefronts may exhibit two-piece bathing suits, but I refuse to repeat the deadly game that almost cost me my life.
In the end, however, it was my creative tendency almost did me in. Obviously lacking in store-bought stuff, I resorted to stuffing cash into a red lint mitt which I picked up at Wal-Mart (for a while, the lint mitt alone was the big gift). I had no way of knowing at the time that the stuffed cash would go unnoticed and tossed aside as yet another cruel and unappreciated Christmas joke gone all wrong.
Meanwhile, my ego totally in the pits, I struggled holding back the tears. The cash idea, intended to be my salvation, failed miserably as I resorted to drawing over- zealous attention back to the lint mitt, awkwardly explaining how it deserved a second look.
From that point on, the awkwardness and tension escalated as everyone (except the unnamed spouse) tore open present after present. Piles of ripped paper and ribbons littered the floor and it became evident that one in particular had been somewhat neglected, as evidenced by a paltry pile at the feet of the unnamed spouse.
Finally, with only one small, lightweight box remaining, the unnamed spouse opened it slowly and carefully, hoping that it would contain the expected bling that would surely launch the world's happiest and proudest exclamation. Peeking inside, it quickly became evident that the missing bling remained nothing more than yet another disappointment. Layered within the rectangular cotton batting was a small plastic card with a note. Finally, a smile emerged as the realization of a generous gift offering was unveiled. A good thing, too, as it spared my life, at least for now.
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macca
Member
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Posted: Dec 26th, 2006 04:53 pm |
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WHE wrote:
Assuming that my recovery continues, I definitely plan on a lifestyle change...one that encompasses trips to the mall in August and September, not late December. Sure, it may be a little premature, and the storefronts may exhibit two-piece bathing suits, but I refuse to repeat the deadly game that almost cost me my life.
WHE!!!! Glad you're still with us!!
Let me assure you, there are several of us in the "Next year I'm starting earlier club" this time of year! Maybe we need to start a support group and nudge each other along as August approaches!! No need in repeating past mistakes, especially when the results can be so threatening!!! ♥♥♥
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A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Herm Albright
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